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WINTER

by EXSANGUIA

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1.
The LA sun, burns words right off my tongue. Can't tell you how I feel, how can I know what's real? Wanna lay down in the snow, forget everything I know, and let it's cold embrace, set broken hearts at peace. Please numb my soul, make me feel whole. Chilled to the core, I can't take this anymore. But I wont cry out, I'll keep my composure. Frozen mouths can't shout, as I die from exposure.
2.
What would you do, if you could never have a dream again? I've seen too much to ever get to sleep again. ... Tell me what to do. I'd do anything for you...
3.
I can't count the days as they fly. Shed them away like these brief moments. Always going, never goodbye. It all fades except for these brief moments. Hold it inside, left on replay. Can only focus on these brief moments. I'm the one that's making it stay. Torn out from inside by these brief moments.
4.
"You're my friend, I'm always here for you." his hollow words echo in my mind, turned away, on the day of my birth, to face a world unkind. "I deserve this." I think, as my assailant rips my clothes and plunges himself deep inside. No clear alternative comes to mind, knife held to my cheek, there's nowhere to hide. Hand sanitizer for lube, it burns, still no one hears my cries. I grit my teeth and wait for him to finish, it's nothing new, no great surprise. "The tempest is my ally." I repeat to myself, as my rain-soaked sleeping bag chills the fringes of my being. Trying desperately to find some truth, in the storm cloud card of a tarot reading. Nearing frostbite, my fingers freeze, and require violent reawakening. Thankful only to be alone now, with half a cigarette, as dawn's finally breaking...
5.
6.
Took a lotta pills, thinking maybe one too many. The creatures from the Silent Hills, are circling around me. (running to the bathroom, all my limbs are freezing) I think that I might die soon, am I even breathing? Gotta check my pulse, there's no color in my skin now. Hopped into a hearse, wanna stop it but don't know how. Tell them to pull over, tell them fucking anything. Wishing on a clover, I hope they don't cut up my brain. Lying on the stretcher, the harshest lights on up above. Someone catch that doctor, I think that he forgot to scrub. Cut into my chest, ya they're pulling out my organs. Was this all a test, do I get a chance to try again?
7.
INSECTICIDE 01:32
8.
9.
FADE AWAY 01:50
When I die, I'll leave it, leave it all, and fade away. You won't, even, realize, I faded away.
10.
I know that you wanted everything to go smooth. Sorry that I couldn't ever quite get in the groove. Didn't mean to leave you, I hope that you don't hate me. But all the signs around me said I wouldn't live another day. And of course creeps had to move in and ruin our evening. I smoked too much to compensate, and then had trouble breathing. Dude started to unload all of his newly stolen mail. Asked us to watch over it, then we knew that we had to bail. Wandered into the night, away from our abandoned garage. By now we're both hallucinating and it's getting hard to judge, the real from imaginary, as bugs crawl out our drug scars. Shape-shifting creatures that perhaps came straight down from Mars. Sitting at the bus stop and contemplating our next move. It suddenly becomes apparent, that we were both just born to lose.

about

sad songs about winter 2021
(instrumentals included as bonus tracks)

credits

released January 12, 2024

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about

EXSANGUIA Los Angeles, California

fka emma o'yama

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